Magical thinking – a question for trans readers
September 12, 2011 § 3 Comments
Just a small thought, but one that amuses me more than it upsets me.
Are you familiar with the sensation, when in terrible pain, and crying out/breaking down – that, even if you’re alone, that surely something/someone has to come to comfort you? A kind of subconscious, irrational expectation – to be held, and soothed? And coupled with a sense of disbelief – that it can’t be possible to be in such pain?
I feel something of the same sensation when it comes to my body. Without consciously desiring to engage in magical thinking, it very much feels as though a childish and instinctive part of my mind is convinced that, at some point, my body will just come right. Because it’s so ridiculous that it’s not right, and I’ve been ever so good, and shouldn’t such a silly problem be sorted? Kind of: “Excuse me, my good universe – I don’t mean to trouble you, but there’s been a bit of a mix-up. A bit awkward, you see. They sent out the wrong model – I know, would you credit it? So, if you wouldn’t mind – I’ve kept the receipt, and I haven’t taken the tags off – a simple exchange?”
We are funny creatures. Or, at least, I am.