No, it’s not just a list of my favourite things – it’s also what’s happening this Wednesday night, February 1st.
I’m playing Southwark LGBT Network’s History Month social at the very lovely Woolfson and Tay bookshop. Free entry, fabulous people, supporting independent booksellers – and you can curl up with a slice of something comforting and a mug of something caffeinated and let me sing you into a refined kind of submission. How many good excuses do you need?
I often feel like I’ve failed, somewhat, at being convincingly male because of just how hard I’ve found it to throw off expectations of idealised “feminine” beauty. Luscious hair. Pouting lips. Perfect skin. All the time – no exceptions, no flaws, no excuses. Despite knowing it for the bigoted bullshit it is. Despite not wanting to look typically female. It goes very deep. And it’s something I’ve been wrestling with since the photoshoot for Ashes and the gradual publication of the pictures (and very beautiful pictures they are too – all thanks to Robin Conway). Because we didn’t use Photoshop. I couldn’t, in good conscience, have asked Robin to use Photoshop. But seeing a real, lived-in face, rather than some smoothed-over approximation of humanity – and realising that other people are going to see it too – it’s frightened me more than I’d care to admit.
After several months of getting used to it, I would probably say that this is one of the best photos I have of myself. It’s just – right. And the first time I saw it the only thing I could think was: “Dear god! The acne scars! Dark circles! Incipient wrinkles! I can’t put this on an album – no one will listen if they see this face!” The sheer ludicrous sense that, on an album where I pretty much vomited up my guts for the world to see, the packaging on the outside should still be polished to the uniform blandness of what passes for attractive in the parlance of mainstream marketing.
I don’t have a particularly deep point to make with this post. Just to say that, well – it brought home to me just how much work we have to do to fight against a beauty myth that makes us feel so ugly. That I never want my future children to look at a picture of themselves and judge it, harshly, in comparison to a computer generated image of what a human being “should” look like. That people you might not expect to see themselves as ugly might well do, at least some of the time. And that I’m trying.
Lovely people – you have been very patient with me. Thank you. So, just under a year from the day when I decided to go it alone – I’m very happy to announce the launch date of my debut album. 27th January – put it in your diaries.
Digital copies of Ashes will be available on iTunes and Amazon, and real, solid, old-fashioned CDs through my website or from my own fair hand after a show.
And if you want to go the extra mile – please consider yourself cordially invited to the launch party.
Friday January 27th 2012
Doors 7:30pm
Lumen Church, London
WC1H 1HD
£8/£5, tickets available on the door
This will be the third time I’ve performed at the Lumen – I think it’s my soulmate, in terms of venues. A lovely grand piano, candlelight, fully accessible and a beautiful acoustic – and a champagne reception afterwards. With cake. Obviously.
Space is limited, so if you can make it please send me an email at info@cnlester.com to reserve your place. If you feel like reviewing, again, please email and we can sort something out.
Can’t wait to see you there. And, while you’re waiting – check out what the amazing Marci made! I doff my hat to you all.
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One last point about tragic artist/SSRI trope - if you're thinking of writing an article about how medication is bad for creativity... 1 hour ago
You know what? Bipolar and OCD ARE necessary for my art - but damned if I'm going to heap extra suffering upon myself because 'tragic muso'. 3 hours ago
